Maybe this time...

"When its over? Is it really over?" Those words play again and again in her head like the song by Sugar Ray. Long hours of work were starting to wear Jessica down. She was barely finding time for Christian. Its been two years since the engagement. Between the promotions at her job and Christian's long hours, they barely saw each other awake. For the last few weeks it was becoming increasingly frustrating for Jessica just to nail her love down for a conversation that wasn't about work. She found herself waking up earlier every morning just to have a cup of coffee with her. Only to find out that Christian had to go in to work early yet, again.

"We seriously need to talk." Christian's frustrated face quickly turned to fear when she looked over at her fiancee. "I'm climbing the walls over here. We haven't had sex in months. I get up early just to talk to you. But you have to get to work early. This isn't the kind of routine I signed up for when I said yes to the ring." The heavy sigh from Christian chilled the room a palpable 10 degrees. "I'm not sure what to do anymore. " Christian got into the habit of turning away or staring at the floor. Anything but actually looking Jessica in the eye. The conversation was cut short when both of their phones rang. Vendors and employee concerns that need to be handled as soon as possible forcing both of them out the door. Christian took the out from the constant nagging. Jessica has been left wanting for quite some time. Things had really fizzled out for them after a romcom worthy public engagement surrounded by friends and family. As all relationships are want to do. It wasn't as if there was an expectation of monogamy. Or was there? A question that Jessica had been avoiding as well. She dressed for work hoping to burn off the tension building in her core.

Weeks turned into months of this dodging each other. Christian was always too tired, too busy or asleep. The randomness of their conversations and schedules added kerosene to the fire. Their only communication is via text or instant messages. Jessica was constantly looking for reassurance from her partner. Always being told that, "I'm not going anywhere. I know you aren't either. So just be you."
For most people this would be a good thing to see or hear. Jessica knows better. She's experienced these words before as they blew up in her face. The dread sat with her for days. That's when she got the message from him. 

Nicholas has always had horrible timing. He seemed to always show up when things are off kilter with whatever lover had her attention. He'd mentioned for months that he would be in town. He would make plans with Jessica to meet up for a reconnect only to cancel. It got to the point that Jessica stopped telling her other half about a possible date after six months. He chose today to follow through on all those missed opportunities.

Jessica knocked on the door of his corporate suite. She was surprised to see him in a suit. Last she spoke to him on Skype he was in his fatigues. The flush on her face gave away what she was thinking as they hugged hello. "It's been too long ma'am. At least 7 years since we've been in the same room." Nicholas held her at arms length as he looked her over. Noticing how tired she looked bothered him more than he wanted to admit. They sat at the desk to catch up. The details and minutia of life between friends goes on for a couple of hours. He was happy to see her at the top of her game. She'd finally made it to the place she wanted to be in her career. Jessica was always driven when it came to her career. Hell, she had multiple jobs when they met to buy own restaurant one day. What was that ten, maybe twelve years ago? She was his Cougar. The one who made him say `yes ma'am` for every dirty deed and naughty picture. But it was obvious that she wasn't happy at home. "What's really going on with you? Your face says so much more than what is coming from those luscious lips of yours." He watched her go sheet white. Then the silence hung a little too long on the air. He got up to remove his jacket. He circled behind her chair to massage knotted shoulders. Jessica moaned loudly as his fingers dug into tight muscles. She sighed heavily as her head rolled back against his toned belly. The look of peace formed on her face was amazing. Nicholas hasn't seen her this at ease in a long time. He began to unbutton her chef coat with his left hand as he massaged her neck with his right.

She was lost in the moment of his hands on her tired body. He was already at the fourth button before she realized it was happening. She stopped him with a hand on his wrist. Any eye contact would be stupid. Feeling his pulse racing under the fingers wrapped around his wrist sparks a memory. Unfortunately his other hand was stroking her neck to ears to the side of her face. She looked up to see him staring back into her eyes. 'It's true. It's happening again. But things are different now. She isn't as comfortable as my last partner. I should talk to her before anything changes. I really came just to say hi.' Jessica was happy to see him smile at her. He stepped back to spin her chair around. The silent plea in his eyes were so heavy in the space between them. She didn't think it was going to be so easy walking away from this room. It had to be done repeats inside her head. She really needed to have this conversation just like everything else going on between her and Christian. All of that went out the window as he knelt in front of her. Pulling her chair close so she had to spread her legs. She didn't budge or speak. They kept staring at one another. He pressed his forehead to hers. The sigh simultaneous.

Nicholas knew he should let her go. But being inches away from her heated skin was maddening. Seeing her starving this way made him uneasy. The urge to give her hearts desire in this moment grew with a speed of a wild fire. But, things have changed. Breathing in her scent... Her hands cupping his face made him turn into her palms. Kissing each hand in turn. Taking her middle finger in his mouth, just between his teeth. He bit down slowly until she moaned loudly. When Nicholas looked for a sign but found her eyes closed and mouth parted. He teased the same way to the other hand. She started to shake  holding his face in her hands. Jessica has always been into pain. It was a trigger he knew would get her attention or distract her to madness. "Come here. Let me get you on your feet. I'm not playing fair." She rose slowly. He liked making her unsteady. It was always the other way around when they met years ago. He had to let her go. Right? It's what he should do after everything she told him. When she finally opened her eyes to meet his all control was lost.

Jessica never saw it coming. One minute he's gentle. The next he's pushing all of her buttons. Then his hands were in her hair. A kiss so passionate on his lips that stole her breath away. They were inches apart. Nicholas changed all that without ever letting her go. A hand still in her hair as his nibbled on her neck, lips and ears. The other hand did away with the last buttons of her work gear. He found his way into her work pants. Chuckling when he didn't find any panties. Jessica was so wet that his fingers slid right into her slit. Just as she was about to protest he kissed her again. Her knees buckled. If it wasn't for the hand in her hair and the wall at her back, she would be on the floor. Jessica felt like a rag doll. But couldn't find her voice to say no. Couldn't find the will power to end this moment before it got too far out of control. Who was she fooling. She'd lost this battle the moment he bit her.

Nicholas couldn't believe how wet she was for him. So slick and warm on his fingers. He pulled them out to lick every drop off. The look on her face as she watched him suck her nectar from his fingers told him she wasn't going to stop him. He pulled her in for a kiss again. She came to life after that. Tearing at his shirt buttons and belt to get him naked. They never left the spot. Naked. Chest to chest. He kept her pinned to the wall while he used his hands on her pussy to make her climax. His other hand roaming all over her as she did the same. Just as she was about to erupt her face changed. She was looking for a place to put her hands. "Dig in ma'am." She shook her head no. Nicholas stopped working her sex. The whimper that came from her made him smile like a Cheshire cat. "Dig in. Remind me who I belong to ma'am." He began to fuck her with his fingers again. The quivering of her walls let him know she was close. He pushed inside her to work her button with his thumb. She spilled over his hands with her orgasm. That's when she bit into his shoulder and nails into his arms and she squeezed through her passion. He pulled out abruptly.

Jessica quivered and shook to the floor. She had no intentions of this moment. But here she was, wet, sated and throbbing on the floor of a hotel room. When she turned to look up at Nicholas. She found an erection that begged for her attention. The precum just about to drip to the floor made her drool. She grabbed his ass to bring him closer to her mouth. He had to grab the same wall he pinned her to minutes ago. The softness of his skin contrasted with the rigidity of his cock gloriously in her mouth. He tasted amazing on her tongue. Hearing him moan with hands in her hair slowed her pace. She wanted to enjoy this man in front of her. She stroked him with both hands while working the head. It gave her time to look up at him. His eyes were closed. The grip on the wall was tenuous. Jessica pulled him all the way out of her mouth. She never stopped stroking him. 'Where are you?' He moaned. 'Tell me where you are Nick.' He looked down at her then. He never liked his name shortened. "I'm in your hands ma'am." She stroked him faster while cupping his balls. 'Tell me where you want to be.' He shook from the speed of her hands mixed with random licks and sucking on the tip of him. She noticed he was on the edge of his own orgasm. She never broke eye contact. 'Tell me where you want to be Nicky.' He groaned as he tried to glare down at her. This only made Jessica take him all the way in to his balls as she stroked his taint. She pulled him out again to watch him shudder. Stopping all movements with her hands.

Nicholas knew she was taunting him. He knew what she wanted to hear. But he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. The sudden break of her mouth and hands on him brought everything to the tip of his tongue. "I want in your mouth ma'am. I want that glorious tongue to lick my balls. I want to blow my load down your throat. Please ma'am. May I?" He looked down to see her smile widen. She slid both hands down his shaft. Next her mouth followed behind and she worked him with all three to a fever pitch. He felt her fingers on his taint. He knew she was going to push him over the edge soon. She kept watching him as his cock twitched in her hands. Jessica chose that moment to stare at him as she slipped a finger to the knuckle in his ass.  He grabbed her head to shove his cock down her throat. She milked his prostate. He felt his balls explode down his shaft. Her throat felt so tight around him. The sensations of her working his balls and his butt while he unloaded in her was too much. She drained him dry. He appreciated her hands on his ass right now as he was sure he couldn't stand on his own. Her face pressed against his thigh as she looked up at him was beautiful. He reached back to find one of the chairs to sit down in. Before he knew it she was crawling towards him.

Jessica loved the look of fear on his face as she crawled toward him. She'd never seen the look of prey on Nicholas' face before. The rush she got from it was amazing. The smile she gave him had him pushing his chair back across the room. Finding the desk stopped his movement made him look around for a way out of this situation. Jessica climbed into his lap and straddled him. He was forced to look up at her or stare at her breasts. She was happy to see him squeeze and knead them with both hands as he looked into her eyes. 'Tell me what's next Nicholas. Did you come back to be tagged by me? Or was this just a moment with your Mistress one more time?' He never broke eye contact as he flicked her nipple with his tongue. The sensation caused her to quake in his lap. Jessica loved the way those green eyes stayed locked on hers. But she knew he was avoiding the question.  She let him. Enjoying the manipulation of her nipples in his mouth. The feel of his tongue on her skin was amazing. She let him distract her a while longer. That's when she felt him harden beneath her. Jessica rocked her hips against his stiffening flesh. He moaned with her nipples in his mouth. She watched his eyes flutter close. 'Tell me what you want from me Nicholas.' She kept grinding against him. Taking his face in her hands, 'Tell me.'

Nicholas stared into her dark brown eyes for a long while. He wasn't sure how to answer. He didn't realize until that moment how much he missed her. What they were to each other once didn't seem like an option anymore. How did he say that he doesn't know what, where or why? He held her hips still. "Jessica. I don't know what happened to you. I know I want to bring out the woman I met years ago. I want you like this all to myself. I want to be at your mercy. And I can't have it. I feel that more in this second than I did years ago." He felt her move to pull away. Pressing his thumbs into her pelvis to keep her still. The way she cried out let him know he had her. She just shook her head no. The fear he saw there was too much. "You wanted an answer. Now you have to choose what comes next. What do you want ma'am?" He pressed himself against her while keeping her hips pinned. She shook above him. Now she couldn't meet his gaze.

Jessica asked for this didn't she? This wasn't what she was expecting.  A raunchy come back or a flippant remark about her genitals with his. Now she has the truth. One that could ruin everything for her. Everything she just worked for at home, her career. And the feel of him against her. Those eyes that she couldn't meet anymore. It was then she realized that she never sent a text to Christian. The sigh was heavy as she looked back at him. 'I want you beneath me. I want you begging to be inside me. I want to dig into your flesh as you make me erupt like a volcano until I pass out. I want to you marked as mine. But, I can't have you the way I want you in this moment. I have to talk to her. Can you wait for me?' She was worried at how still he went. His eyes grew dark. Jessica felt the hair raise on her arms. He used that moment to dig his thumbs into her pelvis. She came so roughly, spilling all over the front of him. 'Nicholas, no. This won't solve anything. I swear to you. Give me a few days. Just 72 hours to make this work. Please?'

Nicholas couldn't feel anything. It was just a cold fire burning between them now. He hadn't planned to be this honest with her. Now she was saying it can't happen. No, needs to talk about it first. Whatever. After all of this time he finally put all cards on the table. She stalls while naked and shivering above him. Well, if he can't have his answer today. She wasn't going to forget him in the foreseeable future. He pushed her hips enough to slip inside the tight wetness. By the gods was she snug. He almost came on the first stroke. He watched her face. She looked down at him with tears in her eyes. This wasn't what he wanted. This is not what he came for. That's when she said, 'Fuck me. Make me feel all of you. Make it hurt. Please?' He watched the swirl of emotions cross her face. He nodded. She leaned down to kiss him. Feeling her hips rock as she rides him. Turning the chair to put her back against the desk. Jessica took the cue to crawl backwards on her elbows. He pulled out enough to adjust to the height change. He stood between her thighs long enough to have her stare at him.

Jessica wasn't sure what he saw in that moment. But the look on his face was complex. Before she had a chance to say anything he pushed deep inside her. She felt the cry come from her core. He pounded her relentlessly. The way he watched her face. She saw the determination in his eyes. He was going to deliver on her request. Maybe to her detriment. His hands on her hips as he ground himself into her. The orgasm came so fast she gripped his forearms. Leaving crimson moons in his flash. Biting on her lower lip to keep quiet. "No ma'am,  you're going to call my name." She felt his thumbs at the back of her knees. He folded her in half atop the desk. He slowly stroked her through the second orgasm. Jessica found herself shaking and gripping the desktop. She felt him deep inside her as he bent over to lick and suck on a nipple. The third orgasm rolled through her. She could feel her juices drip down the crack of her ass. He took the opportunity to do short and fast strokes. Hearing the wet sloppy noises of their sex slapping together was enough to bring out the fourth. Wrapping her legs around his waist once he let go to grab her breasts. Jessica used her ankles to pull him into her. The way he worked her breasts with his hands while swirling his hips inside her brought on the fifth climax so sharply. She was out of breath. But he clearly wasn't going to stop until he wrung her dry.

Nicholas pulled free from her folds. She looked spent. But he was going to leave with his last demand met. "Jessica. I'll have today. Even if it's the last time. Do you hear me?" She nodded from the desktop. He walked to the kitchenette for water. She got up on shaky legs to follow him. He grinned at her slow movements to meet him at the sink. She stood beside him to sip water. He leaned in to smell her hair. She laid her head on his shoulder. No, he can't get attached again. She pulled away to find her clothes. He sat his glass down. Before she had a chance to bend over for her things. Nicholas pinned her to the wall. Her face pressed into the cold tile. "I didn't get what I asked for Jessica." He felt her go still. He touched her wrists. She willingly let him hold them over her head. "Can I have this moment?" She nodded. He pulled her hips slightly so he could push into her still dripping pussy. She was like a statue, so still. He eased into her opening. So soft and wet. Taking his time to ease into her slowly. Listening to her whimper at his slow pace. After burying himself into her he held still. "Say it slowly. Say it softly if you want. But I will hear my name from your lips." He pulled out of her just as slow as he eased in. She began to whimper. "Say it." She fell silent. He slowly stroked her again. Nothing. He held her wrists with both hands then pounded into her until her ass jiggled. Mercilessly.  She shook violently. Her walls were clenching him so tightly. He held still again. She groaned, exasperated. "Say it." She shook silently. He repeated his fast and furious pounding again. Licking his thumb to slip it into her ass. She flooded his balls immediately. But he kept pounding her into the wall. Her body shook uncontrollably. "Say it Jessica." She whimpered from the torture. He pulled her arms down and linked fingers with her at their sides. Still inside her, ground his hips into hers. "Give it to me." She cooed. He leaned in to sink his teeth into the nape of her neck. 'Nikolai, harder. Please?' He bit her harder. Her liquid oozed down their legs. 'Ahora Nikolai, todo por tu.' He erupted inside her at the sound of his pet name. They pooled on the floor where they once stood pressed into the wall.

Jessica had to get back to work. She untangled herself from Nicholas with a few kisses. No words. He helped her dress. She rolled her neck to feel the glorious ache his bite left. She smiled. He actually smiled back at her. Light playing in his eyes. She kissed him softly one last time. 'Just give me 72 hours Nikolai.' He kissed her at the door. Now it was time to talk to Christian.  Before she could even get that far her phone blew up about chaos in the kitchen. A no call no show for the bar. And the list goes on. It was late before she even left the restaurant. She checked her phone to see whether her partner was home or out with coworkers for a drink. She found it was the latter. A quick text asking to join her. She said yes. A new friend, Angela, was there as well. Wait, isn't this the girl she said tried to add her on social media? The same girl she said she didn't trust because it felt like she was creeping. Yes, it was. The moment she saw them talking, Jessica knew. She heard it loud and clear. That's your replacement. But she was introduced as a friend. Everything about her made Jessica nervous. Instead, she wandered off to say hi to old friends and coworkers who she hadn't seen in months. Every time she tried to catch Christian to talk they were headed out to smoke. By the time she got home Christian was drunk. That didn't stop the questions about who is this Angela? Where's she from? How did you meet? Christian got angry. Went to bed in the spare bedroom. They woke to awkward silence the next day. Jessica apologized. Christian left for work without a word. The weight in Jessica's heart got heavier.

She found herself working the next 48 hours out of town to cater an event. Short and curt replies were received when she stopped to text Christian an apology. "Do you know why we have a problem?" Jessica felt like it was a loaded question but she answered honestly. She knew she pushed at her boundaries and lost patience. "Is that the only reason?" Now Jessica is concerned. Before she could reply or Skype for details, Christian messaged back. "Nevermind, I can't do this over the phone right now." It would be another two days before they saw each other. The tension between them was palpable. Jessica needed to find a way to handle this situation. In the middle of all of this, she never got back to Nicholas. She barely had time to take care of herself. Nothing felt right to her anymore. So when she turned the key to find the love of her life had moved into the spare bedroom. Jessica crumbled to the floor. The vomiting was unexpected. She was right. This was the end.

The next morning Christian wouldn't look at her. "Do you want to do this now or later?" Jessica walked into the storm head on as they were leaving for work. "Did you have sex with someone new and not tell me about It?" She answered no because it was the truth. Nicholas isn't new. "Then what are these pictures? Why would you lie to me?" Christian took off her ring and threw it at her. "Merry fucking Christmas!" What the hell is going on? How did this happen? What pictures? "I took screenshots just in case you deleted them." Sure enough there were photos of her mouth full of Nicholas cock. Jessica couldn't believe he'd done it. Now her whole world was crumbling before her. The questions that came after hurt. Nothing she could say was going to fix this problem. 'He isn't new. He kept flaking on meeting. I just hadn't told you with everything going on with family and work. You were already angry. I didn't know what to do after you said not talk over text. I was stuck. I figured I would wait until tomorrow when we both had time to talk.' "There's nothing left to say Jessica." With that, she stormed out the door. The tears and devastation took root in Jessica. Left on the floor with the ring she'd just given her lover months ago. It was 20 minutes later when Christian  called to find out why she'd delivered flowers. 'Because this is always a rough time of year for you. I wanted to brighten your day.' "Now I'm in my office in tears for multiple reasons. I can't do this right now. We'll talk later."

It was two days later when they sat down to discuss things. Christian had questions that weren't easy to answer. But they got through them. "I'm not kicking you out. But you should start looking for a new place. I am not a cold person. Let's get through the holidays and your vacation. Save your money. " they agreed on terms to live as roommates. It was then that Jessica said, 'I realized that I took responsibility for my actions but never apologized. I don't expect you to accept it or forgive me. I apologize for making you feel this way. I am sorry for not trusting you to handle everything that's been happening. I left your grandfather's ring on the shelf. I don't deserve it.' The silence was deafening. Christian took the apology at face value. "I'll need time and space to forgive you. Give me that."

The next few months of watching her date Angela was heartbreaking. Seeing her worst fears come to life under the same roof was maddening. She could only stand by. Working through all hours just to avoid them together. All the petty jabs from both of them that kept her up at all hours. Jessica made herself sick with worry over someone who didn't think twice about her anymore. Then one day, they talked about work over coffee. Slowly things normalized between them when Angela wasn't around. Jessica took the small moments for what they were worth. Possible friendship with the lover she had of four years might be on the horizon. When Christian went to the fūtbal game without her, Jessica was mortified. It was the next morning that Christian gave her souvenirs from the match that changed her tone. They talked for hours about it, the trip and lunch at a favorite spot back home. They both seemed to be at ease in each other's company again. The rest of the week went on like this. A few moments over coffee or text to help out with recipe ideas without friction between them. A few more weeks and Jessica would be moved out. Maybe this transition would be easier than expected.

Christian came home drunk. The tears were obvious on her blotchy face. Something happened with Angela. But Jessica didn't want to pry. She felt like it wasn't the time to ask questions. So she listened to the sobs through the bedroom wall until dawn. It was over coffee that she asked how last night went. "She went back to her ex girlfriend. All of the things she's been telling me were a lie." Jessica wasn't sure what to do here. It was months ago she betrayed her trust. Now someone else was doing it to her. So she sat across from her and spoke softly. 'I know this isn't easy. At least you didn't invest a lot of time and money this time. That sounds cold when I say it out loud.' She rephrased what her heart was thinking. 'I'm sorry that your hurting. Is there anything I can do for you? Or anyplace I can take you? I'll be moving soon. I won't be a burden on your space.' Christian just stared at her. Shaking her head repeatedly. "I'm just tired. I'm exhausted. And I need some alone time. Thank you for offering though." They went on to work. This went on for a couple of weeks. Cursory coffee talk and discussing bills as they left for the day.

Jessica was having a fitful dream. She hadn't slept well for weeks. Tossing and turning for months since things changed at home. She'd finally gotten to sleep when the dream took over. The soft hands rubbing her back. The kisses on her shoulder almost woke her from this happy place. That's when she rolled over to see Christian standing next to the bed soothing her out of the nightmare. Those hands really were on her skin. Those soft lips were just kissing her awake. She smiled. Christian kissed her on the forehead. "What time do you work today?" Jessica was in a fog. What day was it again? Tuesday... 'I'll be going in for a meeting at 2pm. So I tried to sleep in. Unsuccessfully as you can see.' The way Christian looked down at her made Jessica frown. 'Are you ok?'
Christian smiled and said everything was fine. She tucked her back in bed. Kissed her forehead again before leaving for work. "Try to get back to sleep. Your alarm has been reset for 1pm. I'll see you after work to talk about moving." Jessica nodded and cooed at the familiar tenderness of her old lover as she drifted off.

Christian had a lot of thinking to do. It was one thing to mourn the loss of a short lived relationship. But she never properly mourned the one she ended prior. When she thought about all of the people she cut ties with over this girl. What was she thinking? Did she want to break clean from Jessica so badly that everyone had to go? They hadn't done anything wrong but be friends with her. And Jessica... Seeing her struggle to sleep like that made her feel small. She couldn't stop herself from offering comfort. But the signals that sends. She needed to think about what happens next. She's moving in a few weeks. Is this the right decision? Do they stay roommates to work on the friendship? Do they part ways officially when she moves out? Have they resolved everything between them? Christian had a lot to think through. Maybe it's time to clear her mind and consider what's next. Maybe this was a rash decision. Maybe the new relationship was too hasty. Maybe...

Jessica woke with enough time to shower and get to work. Meetings all day before she ever made it to her kitchen. The dinner shift was so hectic. She didn't have time to think about what happened this morning. Now the 45 minute commute left her with all sorts of thoughts in her head. She knew not to think too much of the kindness this morning. It was most likely residuals of her loss over Angela. So she needed to keep her feelings in check. Just be supportive of your friend. Move forward with your plans. 'How are you feeling Christian? Need anything?' She shook her head no as she told her to sit. "I know there is a lot happening. And I know you don't have a permanent place to move into yet. So just hold off until you have a lease signed. It's best for the pets so they aren't traumatized by multiple changes in their environment." Jessica felt awkward about the situation. But the logic was sound. It would help her save a bit more money as well. They came to an agreement and reaffirmed the boundaries that were set. As they parted ways for the night, she felt off. Nothing she could put her finger on. No words for the feeling.

Christian heard her cry out in her sleep again. She got up to see Jessica having another nightmare. She crawled in bed beside her. Rolling her into her arms so her head landed over her heart. The sound always soothed her. Jessica would say, "Your heart goes tumptumptump for me." She quieted down immediately. They both fell asleep again. Their habits becoming one as they shifted and spooned in bed. Christian woke early as always. Sliding out of bed quietly to get coffee. She sat on the patio remembering how things were. Remembering the scent of Jessica on her skin, her laughter, her snoring. She had to weigh the reality of what was to what is now. Could she really go another few weeks as just friends? After two nights of saving her from the pictures in her head. Is she really just being a friend to her? Is the comfortable nature they have clouding her judgement? So many things to workout. Angela was due to pick up her things. So it had to wait for another time.

Jessica woke to coffee by the bed. 2 cream, no sugar and hot! Wait, this isn't new. Is this a good idea? Are we just falling back into old habits because it's right here? She couldn't focus until the coffee was gone. Thinking it through in the shower should give it some perspective.  This could work as long as they kept separate rooms. They'd stay friends. They would experience compersion. And everything would find a home in the new normal. Right? This could be done with a plan. We will have to sit down in a couple days when our schedules allow. Yeah, this could be done. Then she heard the raised voices. The break up just got loud. Slamming of the door announced the finality of it all. She stepped into the shower to give her space. The house was empty when she dressed for work. By the time they saw each other awake again with their schedules, Christian should be calmer. She hoped.

Two days have passed with them going through the motions of filling the coffee pot. Chores of the house being done quietly while the other slept or at work. Not much has changed except for the absence of Angela. They hadn't exchanged a single text or reconnect on social media. Both of the cats have been hiding under the Christmas tree. Jessica couldn't stand the silence. She knew something needed to be done. "I have a short day on Thursday. I will be making fudge for holiday gifts at home." A note by the coffee pot should help put them in the same place. When Thursday came, Jessica was surprised to she Christian walk through the door earlier than scheduled. They said cursory hellos. Small talk about work, food and events filled the space. One of them will have to start this talk. 'Thank you for the coffee. I haven't been sleeping well. It was a nice surprise.' She got a small head nod and the sound of the shower turning on. The baking was put away and kitchen cleaned. Jessica climbed in bed for the night. She heard the other bedroom door close. She woke to snoring in the middle of the night. She rolled over to find Christian fast asleep at her side. Instead of waking her she just settled back into bed. By morning there was coffee at her bedside. The house was empty. She chalked it up to needing the warmth of another person.

Christian sank into work. Everything swirling around in her head with the way both relationships ended. All of the nasty things that were said and done over the last few months played on repeat. She knew Jessica would be the same way. That made her feel awful. Had she been honest with herself during their engagement? What's next? Financially she could make it on her own. It would be tight for a while until she got a new rhythm. Of course they've been living separate for months now. And it would be harder for Jessica to save money to relocate. Seemed like the right thing to do having her stay until it was financially stable for both of them. But sleeping together again... That was her doing. She made the choice to climb into bed as comfort the first night. The second? Was it out of habit or sincere desire to help her sleep through the night? She couldn't answer these questions without some serious down time. "Monday, I'll be able to sit down and deal with all of this then."

Jessica was up to her eyeballs in inventory. Numbers were starting to swirl on the page. She sat back at her desk for a minute away from the coolers and freezers. She saw the message and got nervous. "Can we sit down on Monday? Unless you have service that day." She sat on the reply. She hadn't been working on Monday's for a while. She just left the house like a normal day so she wouldn't see them together. No need to mention that to her though. 'Sounds good. 9:15am alarm ok?' The reply was quick, "Heard." That one phrase filled Jessica with dread. It was a way to end a conversation with finality. Life of a chef. Now her stomach was in knots. She hasn't eaten for weeks. The sick every morning would make you think she was pregnant. But that was an impossibility after the surgery. It was the nerves of living with them for months. Watching the love of her life in her new happy. Now that it's over, she knew it was the idea of leaving everything behind. But she had a couple of months to get back on track. Most likely the conversation Christian wants to have.

The week flew by for both of them. Numbers were stellar for Jessica by the end of the year. She earned her bonus too! She started to dip her toes in the idea of relocating since things had changed. She had already exchanged emails with a few prospects. It was Sunday night when she realized what the morning would bring. The heaviness set in again. She packed up for home as she checked on her crew for the last time. It made for a long car ride home. The nausea was back. She just had to get some sleep. The cats would keep her company. She set the coffee pot. Climbed into bed and passed out.

Christian was on her second cup of coffee when Jessica's alarm sounded. She heard her padding through the house. "Morning." Some sound came out of her but she wasn't sure what it was. She watched her sit in her chair and sip the first cup of coffee. "How long will it take you to save up for your move?" Jessica tossed out what she had in savings and said two months more ought to do it. "Do you think you can live by the same rules as before?" She watched the expressions mix on her face. 'I can live like the last 2.5 months again. No problem.' Christian made a face that wasn't recognizable. "I got a reference call for you the other day. It was a job in Oregon. I didn't know you were thinking of moving out of state." 'Well, I thought I would try for the fourth time in a new place. You said you'd keep my kitten. I didn't want to drag her on a plane or car ride. I didn't think it mattered just so long as I moved.' The silence grew between them. Jessica just stared into her coffee cup. The nausea was in full effect now. "Where do you want to be?" Jessica couldn't look up to answer that question.  She saw her grip on the cup might lead to breaking it in her lap. Suddenly she was at the sink returning the half cup of coffee she just drank. Christian hated seeing her like this all the time lately. "What's going on? I hear you when you get up in the morning. I know you're not pregnant. What's happening?" Jessica didn't know how to tell her the truth.  'Stress mostly. Just struggling to eat and keep my disease in check. The meds make that hard to do at times.' She never made eye contact while she gave that answer. Christian watched her clean up and sit back down. "Where do you want to be Jessica?" She watched her lose more color than before. 'Home.' It was barely a whisper. A woman known as a force of nature was whispering like a frightened child. Had they really come to this point? She looked up and said it softly. 'Home, wherever that may be.' Christian sat quietly watching her. "Let's try the next two months as roommates. As friends. It will give you time to interview and network. If it's still what you want. We can go from there." Jessica just nodded. She got up to get dressed for the day. Christian called after her to see if she wanted to go for a drive. Looks like they both need a quiet moment on the water.

Jessica lit up when she saw the sign for the lake. It didn't matter what time of year it was to her. Sand, sky and water always made her happy. Why hadn't she come out here sooner? There are three rivers even closer to home. It didn't matter right now. She slipped off her shoes in the chilly weather to feel the earth between her toes. This is the best  feeling in the world. Feeling the wind in her hair as she ran to the water's edge. Her laughter was instantaneous. She looked over her shoulder to see Christian watching her with a smile. How did they get so far from this time together? They strolled along different paths. Each collecting rocks and shells. She noticed the time and started back for the car. Christian followed her. Jessica felt her eyes as she rinsed her feet off at the stall. What is she to her now? Her ex of course. She got back into her shoes. Absentmindedly took her hand as they walked back to the car. Jessica went on about work later, packing a bag for overnight and medicines for the day. Christian kissed her softly. A light meeting of lips. She fell silent. A smile on her face as she held the door open for her. Maybe it isn't over, or is this something new?