For old times sake II

Christian slipped under the covers to hold Jessica. She didn't seem so keen on the idea. She spoke softly to her in French. Jessica eased a bit to be spooned. Christian understood why she couldn't face her in this moment. They needed to work through this. Christian knew she pressed the issue that brought them here. 'Baby, tell me, why all the tears?' Jessica just went still. 'You can't take hold of me like that and not talk to me.' Jessica rolled over to face her. Christian moved all of those locks away from her face so she could see her. "That's the problem Christian. I took hold of you like the old days. I can't have you like it used to be. I feel like my selfishness for that last moment will end us. I can't give you the world like before. I don't know who you are anymore. I don't know who we are anymore. You won't let me go. You need to let me go." Christian watched the tears come again. She hadn't thought through the process this would take or the emotions that would surface. Of course she never expected to want her the way she used to. Christian was never good at moving slow. Knowing Jessica was a pool to dive into without caution made it even harder. Now here they are almost ready to sink this ship. How is Christian going to fix this? There were no words she could say to her that would heal this hurt. 'I can't let you go Mon Cher. There is no way to give you up. So don't even expect such an end. We've been through too much.' Jessica sighed as she dug her nails into Christian's hips. "I don't know if I can do this." Christian hissed in response. It was a weakness Jessica always exploited to get 'his' undivided attention. 'I'm only asking for my friend. All I want is you.' The angry face she got in return let her know the shallowness of the words. And how much she's pushed Jessica to give in the last day. Those words were almost meaningless. What had she gotten herself into? Then that moment of her (manhood) rising to the occasion so to speak. How does she explain this after years of never giving into that desire. Christian has only been a giver to women for so long that the penis wasn't even spoken of. Yet, Jessica brought out something in her that couldn't be ignored. Maybe letting her go could work. But what happens when the next woman brings her to attention? And that question had never been addressed. She found herself at a crossroads with a woman who always carried her heart and soul. How do you turn away from that kind of love?

There is so much distance between us that it should be easy to walk away from this moment. Jessica keeps trying to tell herself this while staring at this beautiful face. This wasn't going to be an easy transition. She could have taken her time to ask the questions, dynamics and requests to their love making. In this new time and place, so much has changed. Now they're here sinking in their own pool of emotions. Not sure that running from this complication is going to be the answer. Her heart being so wide open made life even more complicated for the two of them. "I can't hold on to what was and be content. There has to be a way for us to let go of one another. There has to be someway of being friends." She watched Christian go quiet at her words. 'Friends? You just said that to me?' Jessica is confused by the reaction. Isn't this just what she asked from her? She never did navigate Christian's emotions well. This was going to be a doozey if she didn't claim surrender now. Of course that was never her way. "Did you not just ask me for that very thing? What am I missing here? Stop looking at me like that." All the heat showing her on face let her know she stepped in it big time. Suddenly she's in a heated kiss within Christian's arms. Jessica fell into the moment with her. She was so uncertain of what was happening. Of course she imagined this whole thing is new to Christian as well. But this can't be going well... Too much unsaid with all this passion between them. 'I will never be just your friend again Mon Cher. I want you. I want My Friend. I want My Jessica. I need from you all the things you've given me before, now and always. Don't simplify my emotions to that simple six letter word. We were never just friends.' The sneer on the back of that statement let her know she was treading on thin ice. "How do we do this now? Too many of the big things in life and our core desires are different. With so much between us and the places you want to go... We are stuck Mon Ami. This crossroads could have us walking in two different directions."

Christian didn't have all the answers to her questions. But she knew that Jessica wasn't going to let this go without some sort of working solution to their relationship. All she wants now in this moment is to completely devour her until they were both spent. The hold on Jessica was enough to melt her like butter. She was always so pliable with a hand at the nape of her neck. Soft words spoken in French put her at ease. Or maybe it was just that they came from her favorite ginger. Christian didn't care which reason it was that made Jessica wrap around her this way. Pulling her close to stroke her tears away made Christian ache. Maybe an end was inevitable, maybe not. Nibbling on her neck to her jaw line to her lips had Jessica trembling in her arms. Christian bit into her full lower lip enough to make her hiss. She saw the smile spread across Jessica's face. She couldn't resist the temptation that Christian was offering. They were suddenly positioned with Jessica under Christian. Her hands in Christian's hair pulling her in for a kiss full of heat. A rough ride was in store for both of them. However this ends, it would be with bite marks, bruises and rug burn. Somehow this seems appropriate to Christian.

Jessica fell into this moment. The feel of all that red hair in her hands, full lips against hers and teeth on her skin was intoxicating. Before she had a chance to ask what comes next Christian pushed inside her again. Her eyes rolled back as she hears the growl escape from Christian. All Jessica could do was respond in kind. Arching to meet her strokes. Christian's eyes were closed behind all that hair. "Look at me Mon Ami." Jessica didn't get what she asked for. "Regarde-moi mon amour." She saw those bright green eyes flash at her with so much heat it was breath taking. "Do you want all of me?" Christian only nodded. "Say it Mon Ami. Let me hear the words. If this is to be the end, say it like you mean it." Christian didn't utter a word as she slipped deep inside her and held still. The kisses Jessica got all over her neck, shoulders and face spoke volumes. But it isn't what she wanted right now. All these years Christian kept silent or spoke with touch alone. Rocking her hips slowly had Christian pinning her to the bed. "Tell me' Jessica whispers softly in her ear.


'Je te veux. Je veux que vous tous. Et je vais le prendre tout de vous. Juste ici en ce moment.' Christian said this with so much force that she watched Jessica's eyes go wide. She pinned her wrists above her head. Christian pulled back enough so that their only connection was the meeting of their sex. Seeing her flush beneath her like the old days made him want to torture her. With each deep stroke she spoke in English. 'I want you.' She plunges in to have her hiss. 'I want all of you.' Again with a sigh in response. 'And I'll take everything from you.' Diving in to make her growl. 'Right here in this moment.' Christian sank into her hot wet hole. Jessica erupted around her. Watching her body shake at the way she took hold of her was like a drug. Christian held onto her own desire for release. Jessica wrapped her legs around her hips. They rocked to their own rhythm leading to another torrential orgasm for Jessica. Christian was only egged on to get as many as possible before she blew her top. She pulled Jessica's arms down to hold her wrists behind her head. A handful of her hair in her grasp as she bit into her shoulder. Jessica found her earlobe to nibble on. Christian found her teeth digging into her neck as she climaxed again. "Mon Ami, you have all of me. Now and always. " Christian heard this whispered in her ear. But she wasn't convinced. The need to see her face is all she wants. To watch her peak while she was throbbing inside her would be enough. 'Look at me Mon Cher.' Jessica gave an unwavering look. Her eye contact was always frightening to Christian. She really gave all of herself in this moment. Christian felt the wicked grin come across her face. Watching Jessica go pale at not knowing what was coming next is motivating. She let go of her wrists to hold her down by the throat. The grip was light at first. Jessica normally wouldn't allow this kind of domination. Christian pushed at the edges of her boundaries a little bit more. She wrapped her legs around Christian's waist as she dug a bit deeper pressing her thumb into her hips. Christian was so close to her own release. 'Where are you right now?' Jessica stuttered over the answer, "Here with you." Christian eased off her throat as she pulled out of her completely. Jessica pulled her closer with her thighs. 'Let me inside you Jessica.' The confusion on her face was obvious until Christian put the head of his cock at the opening of her ass. 'Let me inside you Jessica.' Christian saw her nod slowly and relax. Christian eased her cock inside her. She was so wet and covered in Jessica's juices it was like gliding into velvet. Finally reaching the depth she wanted, Christian slid out of her slowly. She watched Jessica quake silently clenching her cock with every smooth stroke. Christian needed to fill her completely. Sliding two fingers into her gushing pussy made her cry out as she filled both of her holes. 'Mine?' Jessica didn't answer her declaration. 'Who are you with Mon Ami?' The growl that escaped her lips made Christian work her g spot to a frenzy. Jessica came again soaking her fingers. 'Who am I Mon Ami?' She barely got out her name, "My Christian, you're My Christian." She grinned from ear to ear at the panting woman beneath her. To see her all putty in Christian's hands on the end of her cock was exactly what she needed. 'Mine? Are you mine?'

Jessica was so lost in the pleasure. Her holes filled totally with this beautiful red head was so intense. She came over and over and over again. The constant eruptions had her near the breaking point near pain. Then she hears Christian ask her a question. 'Are you mine?' In this moment she was completely possessed by this force. Her hesitation had Christian pushing into her harder and deeper with her fingers and cock. Her back arches with the next orgasm about to slam into her. She could only growl in response. 'Oh no Mon Cher, you will not leap over the edge without me.' She felt Christian go still. She could have cried. 'Tell me who you belong to. Take me over the edge with you. Fall off the cliff with me. Say it.' Jessica nodded. Sighing as Christian responded to her hips pushing back at each stroke. Jessica felt the orgasm build as she sensed the urgency in Christian. "I'm yours. All yours right here, right now. I belong to you Christian." She peaked and spilled all over Christians fingers. Her cock in hand she felt Christian spurt her seed all over her breasts and belly. She fell on top of Jessica spent and panting. They slip into a lazy kiss as they slide into a more comfortable position. Their fluids mingling on their skin would have made Jessica crawl to the showers if it weren't for Christian's grip on her hips. 'I know what you need Jessica. Just give me a moment and I'll go with you.' Jessica relented and stayed in her hold for kisses. Her body grew cold. Shivering in Christian's grasp had her begging for the showers. She saw Christian grinning at her as her compulsions took over. Finally they were rolling to the edge of the bed where Christian pinned her to the bed.

Christian had to know if this was where the rubber meets the road. 'Is this where we part ways Jessica?' The silence wasn't what she was looking for. Grinding her hips into her mons had Jessica climaxing one more time. 'Focus my love. Is this how you want to remember us?' She saw the clouds in her eyes as she tried to think this through. "You're not being fair Christian. Having me this vulnerable and asking if I can walk away isn't fair. As I can't physically or metaphorically do either right now." Christian could only laugh as she stood to pull Jessica off the bed and into the showers. They lazily washed each other while kissing and touching. Christian savoured the moment as she felt this was probably the most intimate she's been with her ever. Making love to her was always a rough endeavour. She always had to be rocked to her knees before she'd give herself completely. Christian knowing she'd cross every boundary Jessica has found herself wanting to change. If it meant changing herself just to keep her here. She knew that Jessica wouldn't have that craziness at all. Putting her on a plane in twelve hours was not going to be where this stops between them. Stroking Jessica's jaw with her thumbs. Watching her face go soft with love had Christian losing herself in a kiss. 'Yours, All your Christian. Now and Always.' Christian grabbed hold of her about the waist so Jessica's arms were wrapped around her neck. Her face in the curve of Christian's neck under the spray of the shower turned something within her. Christian wasn't sure of anything anymore. 'What have you done to me?'

For old times sake I

Jessica had been working double duty at work for the last few weeks. She was looking forward to a long retreat of traveling and sight seeing in Canada. Her old friend from college had caught up with her by email recently. He'd talked her into changing her plans to drive to Virginia for two weeks. Jessica always had a weakness for him. She wasn't sure how he managed to talk her into so much craziness or fun all through college. But she couldn't resist when he emailed her out of the blue. They'd been chatting back and forth on line planning and confirming arrival times.

Jessica remembered him being 5'10" with a swimmers body. They ran together her freshman year of college. He's kept his hair cropped close because of the bright red color. He was always teased for it in high school. She managed to talk him into growing it out one summer. The curls and color on his freckled face made him almost cherubic. He still had a hardness to his jawline but his lips were so full. His smile brightening up any room. By the end of their junior year he'd grown his hair to his shoulders at her request. They'd become lovers for the better part of the spring semester. Christian always helped her through her injuries from running or work. His hands were always so gentle. Jessica had to shake herself from memory lane. She had to think of the new family he might have. The kids he probably had running around by now. She was excited to know about his new life and the move to Canada.

Christian couldn't believe she was so close so many times before. Hearing her talk about her road trips down the coasts and across the continent with their old friends was awesome. She seems to smile through the phone just as she did when they were in college. Before her, the idea of college was overwhelming. Jessica took him as he was. Encouraging him to shine and grow whenever he stalled on trying something new. It's been so long since Christian came across a soul like hers. It will be great to share his world with her again. Of course the idea of having her all to himself brought back memories. She melts against him whenever they come together. One of the few women he could meet eye to eye. She captured his attention so many years ago. Soon she'll be right here in Canada to talk, laugh and listen about everything over the last 10 years. But Christian was anxious. Of all the changes in the last 10 years, she would be the one to understand the biggest secret. Or lets hope that's still the case.

Jessica landed at Montreal International Airport. Gathering herself together while waiting for luggage, she found herself embraced from behind. She remembers Christian's touch as if it were yesterday. She closes her eyes and just listens to him greet her in Francois as if it were only yesterday they saw each other. Christian has a knack for making her melt in his hands. "I have a surprise for you. Brace yourself. Remember that I love you and always will. Ready?" Jessica just nods, eyes still closed and turns around. She's thinking Christian has shaved his head again. Horrifying thought but, oh well. She turns to see a stunning head of curls past shoulder length. Those same full lips spread wide in that beaming smile and bright green eyes twinkling. But Christian is now a girl. She is so pretty now. Amazed by the small changes that made her Christian into this new shiny being in front of her. Jessica can't help but smile back at that gorgeous face like she has so many times before.

Christian hadn't intended to wait so long to say something. Of course she couldn't risk Jessica changing her mind either. She just has to see her even if for one last time. Seeing that smile come across her face made Christian feel at home. They gathered up her luggage. Discussed plans, hotels and car rentals. Christian insisted she stay with her. She put up a fuss about a possible spouse not being happy or kids running rampant. This only made Christian smile. She still thought that part of her life was a possibility. Jessica was always an amazement.

Jessica was a bit shocked, overwhelmed, but not completely confused. Christian was never the macho type. However, he was never quite femme either. Somehow the transition didn't seem out of place in the grand scheme of things. But she had to know when, why, how and so forth. It's been ten years and Her Christian went through this process without her. Was she still 'Her Christian'? How much of her old friend and lover is still within this pretty shell of a woman? Those are questions for later. Finding out everything in the meantime is all that matters. They round up her luggage into the back seats as she calls to cancel all of her reservations. They catch up on workplaces, relationships and travels. It felt good to be back together again. But Jessica can't get over the feeling of being lied to all those years ago. She tries to keep that tidbit to herself which makes her go quiet.

Christian knows Jessica too well. She knows that Jessica is chewing on something in that head of hers. But Jessica isn't going to ruin the mood until she can say what she is thinking as she means it. It was something Christian always appreciated. Of course if she was in the mood to share her feelings, hell hath no fury and all that. She had a pretty good idea this was more about how 'he' became 'she' at the root of all this. "Dinner? I am starving. Anything sounds good right now." She bounced in her seat when she spotted an Indian restaraunt. Some things never change, is running through Christian's mind as they pull into the parking lot. They were seated and ordering when Jessica's face changed. Christian realized she was staring at her boobs.  All she could do was laugh out load. "You know my face is up here." 'But I already know what your face looks like. Those, well those I've never seen before. hubba hubba!' Christian could only laugh at her response. She had a way of getting herself out of trouble with the ladies after saying something inapporopriate.

Jessica was amazed by her runners body with those amazing tits. Wow, all that porcelain skin with firm full breats. It was hard to focus her attention even knowing that her friend was in there somewhere. She'd talked the old Christian into growing those red curls past shoulder length years ago. But it was a selfish agenda. She likes being covered in all that hair. Watching their locks tangle on her bed sheets at the end of their sex sessions had always been a fascination of hers. This is never how she expected to see it. Pooling on the shoulders of a stunning woman. But somehow it was a perfect fit. Finally, coming to attention on those full lips was hard for her to do. The only way to get answers is to ask. "Why didn't you tell me? Why wait so long?" And she saw that pretty face turn to stone. It was always Christian's way of hiding his thoughts. Apparently this hasn't changed in becoming her. She sat back to watch "her" as she explained away the old "him".

Christian hadn't planned on this conversation until they'd made it home. But here they were. Jessica was relentless if a topic was pushed to the side. So it's time to spill it. "This was always coming. I just hadn't planned on college or the friends I'd make. It was hard enough to adapt to being one of many rather than one of a kind." She watched Jessica's face as she began to tell the tale. Nothing was different. She nodded and asked questions along the way as she always did. 'What were those two years to you? When you were with me?' Now that wasn't what she was expecting to come out of her mouth. Not to mention the blank expression that came with the question. She wasn't sure how to respond to Jessica's question. Silence grew between them.

Jessica can understand being different and tossed into a pool of fish. She always knew 'Her Christian' wasn't like everyone else. It was that quality that made her want him. So seeing this new person in front her made it feel like there was only a physical change. But that also made her think there was always a lie between them. She can't help feeling betrayed by one of her oldest friends. This felt selfish in the moment. But the reality is they'd grown so close. This one thing should have been shared so long ago. Of all the things that's gone on between them over the years...this shouldn't have been a secret. The silence from Christian isn't aswaging her fears and insecurities about their relationship, then or now. When the waiter stops to ask about dessert and turned without a response let her know the tension had grown beyond the table. 'I'll give you time to answer this one. Just once, you'll get a breather from me Christian. Just once for old times sake.'

Christian began to breathe again as Jessica waves the waiter over to order dessert and champagne. She still has an affinity for the sweet bubbly. The old him has fond memories of the things she'd done to him with the nectar. A smile spread across the new Christian's face. She saw Jessica's wheels turning to the same fond memories and blushed. The heat shared between them had survived the sands of time. It was good to feel Jessica leering at Her the way she had once ogled "him". Now it was a matter of clearing away the slate to bring in the new. To see if they could still make moments as before. Jessica is a fickle woman though. Christian knows that changing her mind once it's made up is like trying to move mountains. She needs to think carefully on how to answer her question later. For now she was going to enjoy being an object of desire in her eyes.

Jessica needs that question answered before things could move forward. She has her memories of the old days. It would be enough for her at the end their visit together. Or so she was hoping it will be enough to keep in a box for rainy days. Which makes looking at "her" so hard. That plunging neck line in black against such pale skin is mesmerizing. Her scent is so familiar and intoxicating which could be her undoing. Those lips so full and unpainted could whisper words to her like the viper that whispered to Eve. To put up a pretense now would be unfair and she knows it. But that nagging feeling of 'she doesn't know this person' won't leave her. No matter how beautiful she is now, Jessica could only remember her friend. The person who kept her sane and loved for so many years. This person felt new but familiar. Which may be how Christian feels about herself and their relationship. "To old friends" Jessica toasts with her flute of bubbly.

Their night out only had the one hiccup at the dinner table. A night of dancing and music made things so much  easier for Christian. They made it back to her home tired with hurt feet. Jessica plops down on the couch her heels tossed aside at the door. Christian followed her to rub her feet as they talk about their itenerary for their vacation. Some smaller known historical sites, a few big tourist locations and such are planned for tomorrow. "I need a shower." Christian showed her to the bathroom off the master bedroom. She set up towels and toiletries. They chat back and forth about the flight and plans. 'I'll be in the kitchen when you're done.' Before she could turn to leave, Jessica reaches out of the shower. "No reason to go. I know you need to clean up too." Christian hesitates. Jessica moves out of the shower enough to undress Christian right there.

Finally got those beautiful breasts out of that dress. The look on Christian's face almost made her let go. But after all these years she isn't about to let this secret come between them. They've showered together since college. No need to play shy now they were back together again. It wasn't until the panties came off did she realize Her hesitation. Christian still had 'his penis'? Hmm, interesting. She notices the look on Christian's face at her realization that she hasn't completed the change. She didn't like that uncertain stone face she's always gotten from her friend. "Look at me." Her friend took her time looking her in the eye. The look of anxiety or fear in Christian's eyes makes her take care. There are no words to make this moment easier. So Jessica decides to keep silent. She pulls her ginger close to her for a soft kiss. Tugging her into the shower to clean up. They bathe in complete silence. Knowing their old normal was gone. Jessica tries for a new closeness.

Christian isn't prepared to be this close, this naked, nor this vulnerable with her. Obviously she is determined to keep things as they've always been. The quick acceptance is going to unhinge Christian. With most people the other shoe was almost certain to drop. Of course this was what makes Jessica different from everyone else. She's always taken him whole, as is. So why was this moment so earth shaking? Try not to over think this moment. Christian gave into the familiarity of their old ways. They lathered up and rinsed off. Stepping out to towel each other off just like before. The silence makes it easier and harder at the same time. Knowing what she's thinking right now might not be in their best interest. She watches Jessica wrap her hair in a towel to do her daily beauty regiment. Old habits die hard she notices. Christian went to turn down the bed. She sat to watch her. Noticing how she's filled out over the years. Her hair has grown back to the length of when they met. The new tattoos were a fascination. Christian could never understand how she can do that to her skin. Not to mention the body jewelry. She shakes her head at the Amazon in her bathroom. Watching Jessica behave as if nothing has changed finally made her relax and climb under the covers.

Jessica found her favorite ginger already in bed. 'She' felt like home still. The reality of her friend still being in this packaging was still a speed bump in the road. Keeping to the way they've always been made more sense to help get through this moment together. Or maybe she was being selfish. Not knowing what was once between them made things harder to process. But seeing 'her' in bed just the way she remembers 'him' felt right. So crawling in bed with 'her' should be as it's always been. The late-nite conversation began as it always did, "Tell me what's going on with you." They talk for hours until the sun came up. Finally falling asleep snuggled together. Waking up to find their hair tanlged together spread across the pillows made Jessica smile. She hid under the covers rolling over to her side from the sun. Christian followed the warth and blankets to spoon her. Jessica went still. The feel of soft breasts on her back and morning wood at her bottom was confusing. She tries to turn on her belly. Christian held on to pull her closer as 'he' had always done back then. Jessica thought of all the things to say and do in this moment. "C'est moi, mon amour" was whispered in her ear. She settled into Christian like she has so many times before. Still feeling a bit unsettled at the new sensation she fell asleep again. "It's me, my love" coming from 'him' always put her at ease in the middle of the night. Apparently it works when 'she' says it.

Christian woke to a snoring woman beside her. This is new. She never snored like this in college. She smiled because she woke startled like so many nights they've shared. She wonders what got her rattled in the first place. She'll ask Jessica when she climbs out of bed. Knowing neither of them isn't going to cook on vacation, Christian orders in for lunch. Their first day's itenerary had been blown by all the talk last night. It was nice to be the way they were again. She has so many questions about these knew tattoos and body piercings. She was so different from the last time they were together. Christian burst out laughing at herself. The idea of Jessica being so different from before versus the change in herself was poetic justice. She slips on a bathrobe to answer the the door for the delivery guy. She turns to get money from her purse when Jessica shuffles into the kitchen naked. "No tip necessary ma'am" is what the delivery guy stutters over the view of the two ladies. Christian giggles and lets him keep the change while closing the door. 'I see nothing has changed in my Jessica.' Jessica grumbles something in Spanish. Christian gathers up chop sticks leading Jessica to the couch with little white boxes of food. Jessica uses the chop sticks to pile her hair on top of her head so she could eat with the other pair. Christian hadn't been any good with them when they were younger. Something Jessica probably remembers as she dug into her box of noodles. She enjoys watching her old friend come to life or whatever this process was each day. Noticing Jessica's habits and quirks as they get dressed for the day were the same. Christian asks about tattoos as she watches her dress for their late start. She learned about the new friends who inspired the artwork. The big events that led to her body piercings were jaw dropping. But she always had a tendency to dive into a moment or set it on fire. It is good to see she was growing and blooming beyond the stifling environment she came to in college. Then why was it so hard to answer her question. So far it's the only things she has asked. The only query that left tension and silence between them. Still Christian was struggling to give her an answer that would make sense to both of them. Unfortunately nothing is coming to mind at the moment. Just being in her company was refreshing. An old face, an old friend, new place with new memories to make is Christian's only motivation. Or so she keeps telling herself.

Jessica is loving this time together. The easiness of being with her friend on vacation is great. They talk about her tattoos and memories. Christian was never one for body modifications. So squeamish about needles and such made the conversation entertaining. Talking about friends and mistakes made over the last ten years with her was cathartic. Discussing bad decision and career changes since college was a weight lifted she didn't know was there. They sat Indian style on the couch for hours ignoring their planned first day. Jessica was so at ease. It isn't until her health and surgery became the topic of conversation she became uncomfortable. She remembers her friend's aversion to such things. Reminding her of the big leap her friend is about to take. Thoughts of who he was then, who she is now and why hadn't they shared such a big detail until now? She kept trying to push it to the side to just enjoy the time with Christian. Sooner or later it had to be said. She felt betrayed at first. Lied to by someone who claims to trust her implicitly, but kept this from her. How does that work? What happens now? Who are they now? But the ease of their reunion should be enough, right? Or so Jessica thinks...

The next week of their vacation is smooth and easy going. They visit haunted houses, galleries and museums. Eating at local restaurants, dancing at night clubs and visiting the strip clubs fills their nights. Meeting new friends of Christian's along the way. Seeing all the people who know the woman she has become keeps them busy. Which made Jessica wonder if they knew the man he was? There it is again. That elephant in the room or was it? Her friends knew the awesome person she is now. Christian has always been a light in the storm. She seems to have gotten a bit brighter over the years. That's all anyone should know when they see her. Although Jessica found it odd she hasn't met a lover or love interest in the week they've been together. It wasn't like Christian to go without a mate for long. He never did well alone by his own admission in high school and college. He had to have a partner to keep him stable. Now this physical change to she can't take something like that away. But maybe the transition was just as shocking for others. Which made Jessica worry. Then the idea that someone might be viewing her as a freak show made her cringe. This may be the reason her friend hasn't introduced her to anyone yet. This idea launches so many questions in her mind. And there it is again. What were they so long ago to each other? Had her love of red heads been the only reason she wanted Christian? Is this physical transition from he to she the reason others would try to be in his/her space? The frustration must have shown on her face because Christian strokes a thumb over her brow. Jessica couldn't help but smile back at her. She is hoping her dear friend will clear up all the clutter piling up in her head. Sooner rather than later.

The next few days were filled with dinner parties. More friends to introduce to Jessica. They covered all of the places locals like to relax or play. She isn't interested in the normal tourists destinations. Christian always found her curiousity for small towns a bit odd. She always get excited about this small place or mom & pop shops in some small corner of the wold. Of course denying her any nuance of life in these places is a sin. She had to see it all as if she lives there. A few friends tag along with them as their last few days together waned. Christian decides to take Jessica to where she works for a tour. She's worked for this marketing firm for about 8 years now. Introducing her to co-workers and supervisors went over well. She made jokes about their almamater. Jessica never had a problem making friends or making people feel comfortable. It's one of the reasons they became so close so long ago. She is a social butterfly. If only people knew how much she retreats from them as soon as possible. Christian can't help but chuckle to herself, knowing what she does for a living. They tour the company cafeteria. Jessica got an idea of what work was like here in the industry. The look on her face when Jessica saw the back kitchen was like a kid in a candy storee. The Chef answered every question she tossed at him. He was surprised that Americans knew or used the same policies. They exchanged info for future trends and visits to her place of work next time he is in the US.

Jessica loved seeing how far her friend has come. One of the few people who actually did something with their degree from their class. She seems respected and valued here. She can't ask for more for Christian right now, except for maybe a mate. As their time is coming to a close she was starting to wonder. Is Christian hiding someone or just doesn't want to introduce her to who ever it is. The more time they spent together she couldn't imagine her single. Just doesn't feel right to see her without someone, a lover at the very least. They headed back to the car when she had to ask. "Where is your 'amant secret'? Secret lover, right?" She isn't expecting silence and the poker face again. She stared into those big green eyes waiting for a response. Nothing. "I know my French is horrible, but you understood me. No answer 'mon ami'?" Again she is met with silence on the drive back to Christian's place. So Jessica settles into her seat waiting to see what she has to say. Christian got out to round the car before she could grab everything from their day out. She opens the door to find Christian pulling her to her feet. Face to face, still not a word. The confusion on Jessica's face is obvious. But Christian makes no move to explain herself. Just stood there staring at her with that blank expression holding her hand. "What?" Jessica said softly. "What is it? What's wrong? Am I being pushy?"

Christian can't begin to explain herself to Jessica. The words aren't there to put all of the feelings, fears and angst of the last ten years in perspective. Or all of the countless moments of disappointment she had in looking for somone who understood everything she has become. Here she was asking her to explain if she is single and why. Christian pulls her close to nuzzle nose to nose. Jessica drops everything to hug her. She always felt so warm and comforting like this. Feeling her sigh from her own exasperation let Christian know she'll back off. But the feel of her so close. A whisper away from their lips touching was inviting and a warning. The alarm bells were ringing in Christian's ears. So much could go wrong in this moment if she made the wrong decision. Christian steps back to see Jessica in a daze, lips parted and flush. 'In due time, Mon Ami. In due time you'll have your answers. I promise.' She watches Jessica nod slowly as they gathered up the bags and packages. The silence lingers between them as they settle back into their routine. Which was so strange to Christian. They've gotten comfortable with a schedule together. It didn't take long for Jessica to feel at home anywhere. But to find she knew exactly what she'll find Jessica doing in the next 2 minutes was frustrating. Knowing it's going to end in a few days doesn't make it any easier. And that makes it harder to answer her questions. It wasn't supposed to be this easy to be with her again. Yes, they always had a good report with each other. But Christian figured it'd be a matter of old roommates hanging out again. Not, the couple who tries not to get close, situation all over again. What on earth was she going to do with what she held for Jessica all those years ago and what she feels now?

Jessica decided to go about their routine until Christian was ready to answer. She was hoping it didn't happen at the airport. Christian was never good in public situations. Maybe cooking would settle her mind and her friend's nerves. She headed to the friedge to find what she could whip up. Piling her hair ontop of her head with chopsticks to get started. She came across quite a few fresh ingredients and decided on a vegetarian meal. Grabbing the cutting board, pots and pans, setting everything to boil or heat put her at ease. The process of cooking for others always cleared her mind. Standing at the sink to wash her hands she heard Christian singing. A smile crept across her face at the sound of her voice. Seems they were both looking for their happy place. While she began the preparation of tonights dinner she listened to the words in French as if she could understand them. Christian's voice was fillied with so much emoition that translation wasn't necessary. Jessica imagines that she is painting or sketching as she always did when things were hard for her to deal with. Sheesh, now that dampened her mood. Knowing she put her friend in that mind frame. Sometimes she forgot how demanding she can be at times. Always forgetting that Christian is a gentle soul. 'He' was never good with being pushed into the pool so to speak, But listening to 'her' soft voice through the house let Jessica know she needs to be softer with her friend. So little time left before she leaves for home again. She finished dinner while her friend settled into her safe space.

"Everything smells good. How do you do this without meat? And when did this no meat thing start? Oh  heavens, it's Lent isn't it." Christian sighed. She had forgotten her friends fasting habits with the religious calendar. But she couldn't resist this wonderfully colorful dish on her plate. They ate in silence. Christian decided champagne was in order. Knowing it was Jessica's favorite thing with fruit, she popped a bottle and pulled berries out of the fridge. She watched her friend clean up dishes and put them in the washer. They sat close on the couch to watch a movie. But Christian couldn't help herself. She pulled the chopsticks from Jessica's hair. Watched it fall in a huge mess which always irritated her friend. Oddly, Jessica didn't snap at her. She stared back at her through the spirals she'd done up this morning. It's the most contact they've had all day. Christian tucks away a few locks behind Jessica's ears. She watches her face as she stares back at her. So much was passing over her face and in her eyes. So many questions she was trying not to ask and Christian knows it. She just enjoys being able to watch her, touch her while she is quiet. Usually something she could only do while she was sleeping. She traces Jessica's cheeks, jaw and lower lip with her fingers. The soft sigh she got in response let her know she can continue. She trails the line of her night gown from shoulder to shoulder. Christian watches the goosebumps rise on her flesh. It's been so long since she responded to her/his touch this way. Something Christian had been wondering since she arrived. Yes, they've been sharing a bed for almost two weeks. It was almost platonic in affection to Christian. But she understands why Jessica keeps her distance. To see her now, tremble at her touch, was encouraging. She took her hands to kiss each fingertip. She watches Jessica go still with each finger at her lips. Christian began to lick her thumb, suck her in and nibble on the webbing. She watches Jessica's eyes roll back. It was a wonder to watch this woman melt. She rarely turned into a puddle for anyone. To see her so soft for her, here, now, with all the unknown between them. Christian used the leverage as courage to start asnwering some of her questions. 'What would you like most right now Mon Ami?' She watched Jessica try to gather herself to respond. The constant touching and affection made it hard for her to speak. 'Mon Ami, What would you like most right now?' A slow breath and raised brows was her initital response to the question. 'In due time, my love. I swear I will answer all of your questions. But right now...in this moment, what would you like?' She looked her straight in the eyes and said, "A kiss for old times sake." Christian leans forward to trace Jessica's full lower lip with her tongue. Feeling her lips part sowly, Christian dove in for a full soft kiss, mating their tongues amd lips. Feeling the heat come off of Jessica's body was amazing. Knowing their only connection is their mouths made it all the more special. She pulled back to watch cloudiness on Jessica's face. She is so beautiful flush with arousal. It is hard to resist her when she is like this. It became painfully aware to Christian why it is so hard to answer her questions. Rejection. For so long she became comfortable with the attention Jessica had given the male version of Christian. She isn't sure if she could live up to the expectations of the female version. Especially not in transition. She'd been uneasy the first time they shared a bed together. Of course soothing her into complacency is as easy as it'd been 10 years ago. After the last two weeks they've spent together, why is she concerned with rejection now? Her friend has shown she's adapted to her way of life as if they'd been together through all of this together. And that...is it...isn't it. The fact that she went through this alone is what bothered Jessica most. That she was left in the unknown. And Christian didn't have a tangible answer. Not one her friends would accept this fact. To have her like this, in her hands, so pliable like yesterday was 24 hours ago, not ten years...

'Mon ami? Are you listening?' "Yes, I hear you." 'No, my love, are you listening?' Jessica sighed softly, the mood broken. "Yes, you have my undivided attention." Jessica looked her straight in the eye. That gaze always put Christian ill at ease. It'd been directed at more than one enemy before. She was starting to lose her nerve. But this had to be done. The question had to be asked and now as their time together was groing short. 'Would you make love to me? Right here, right now? Would you have me?' Christian watched her face go through a myriad of expressions. Yet there wasn't a response. This is what scared Christian most. Jessica had always been the one who accepted Christian lock, stock and barrel. She was hinging a lot on this moment. She hadn't realized how much she depended on the approval of the past to move forward with the future. It wasn't fair to either of them to hold this perspective. It wasn't fair to herself to leave such a decision in the hands of another. But how do you move forward without knowing you'll be accepted. How the world will view you.... It's all personal perception right? But if she had any intentions of a long term relationship as Jessica kept asking. She had to be honest and direct. Who better to ask that of than the one person who always called it like it is? Yet here she sat once flush with lust now clold and confused. Unable to answer the question put before her.

"Christian? Who was I to you all those years ago? That question has to be answered before I can answer the one you've put in front of me. You've always been that beautiful retreat. You've always been the one I couldn't resist. But now I am looking at you as if you're someone new. How do I not feel betrayed? You've left me with so many unanswered questions. So many concerns. So many things I worry about. I know things are different here as far as acceptance of change. But I knew you then and I am meeting you now. You're still my Christian. I will always love you. Intimacy is not a problem for us. But sex, I need to know who I was to you. I need to know what you're wanting from me now. And why I didn't know about the most important part of who you are for the last 10 years." Christian closed her eyes from her direcct gaze. She didn't have the asnwers right here, right now. She knows all the reasons she made the change, the distance to be who she is now. So how do you tell you're oldest and dearest friend that you didn't lie to her all those years ago? She couldn't say it. The words just didn't come to her for an answer. So she pulled Jessica close for a hug. They cuddled on the couch instead. Christian turned the radio on to get rid of the silence. Feeling Jessica's breath on her neck as the lay on the couch was soothing and arousing. Made it hard to have her this close all of a sudden. She lifted Jessica's chin for a kiss that turned into more. Her lips are so full and inviting. How is this going to work if Christian always wanted to touch her without words. She knows Jessica isn't going to move forward without the words. She has to be honest with her or everything will change. But just now, just like this, it's easier to grab hold and dive into the softness.

Jessica was so lost in the tenderness of the kiss. She was dizzy with champagne and lust. The combination is beyond intoxicating. Feeling Christian's fingers trail the line of her jaw to the line of her bossom is inviting. Being wrapped around her was so comfortable, so easy, so right until. That moment when she tried to put their bodies as one fluid line and found an erection. She's brought back to the reality of the situation. Why couldn't she get beyond this bump in the road? It's that reminder that her friend is changing. Changing into? Well that was an obvious answer. But 'what' was is lost in all the clutter of her questions. Knowing she wanted to see her after all these years should be a reminder of their link. Sharing her world and friends as if nothing has changed should reinforce the value of their friendship. This she didn't have a problem with. But sex? No, she said love making. That act would take a lot more than the physical need to complete. Jessica knew she could fuck this physical form of Christian. But they'd never be the same. They both knew it. Which is why Christian asked the question the way she did.... She's right here, so close and so much need between them. She pulled away to stare up at her friends beautiful face. It was too much to bare. She closed her eyes and waited for the words. When she came in for another kiss, Jessica shook her head no. "The words, Mon Ami. The words are necessary."

Christian started babbling in French. She didn't realize it until Jessica started staring at her blankly. She took a moment to quiet herself to gather the words. "You were the one person who didn't tease me. You were the one person who told me I could do anything and made me believe it. You've always made me feel special no matter how I saw myself. I couldn't resist having more of you. I wanted to see if I could make you as happy as you made me. Why is it so hard for you to accept that this is still how I see you? This is what I still want from you, Mon Ami." Jessica dodged her gaze by hiding in the curve of her neck. Christian wouldn't let her hide so easily. Changed their positions so she was looking down at Jessica. Her eyes were closed. She was shaking when she reached up to touch her. It was the first time Christian has seen her vulnerable. They kiss softly that took them both off kilter. That's when Christian realized things could have been different if the old him had been honest with her. Back then He just couldn't tell her how much she meant to him. Now She is forced to tell her friend what should have been said 10 years ago. There may be too much time and distance between them to make this easy. "I plan to complete the process. I don't want to be a freak show. I don't want to be some guy or girl's tranny girlfriend to show off at the gay bar. I haven't found anyone who understands the change. Someone who gets what it means for me to be called She hasn't come into my world yet. Here you are talking to me without calling me a man. You took me in all over again as is. Spent time with me because you enjoy my company and conversation. You're actually questioning whether sex between us could ruin our friendship. This is why I still want more of you Mon Cher. If this is too much for you I will understand. I just want you to know that you still grab hold of me like you did 12 years ago. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice."

Jessica is speechless. All that time went by without her knowing the depth of his feeling. Now here She is telling her what was/is/could be between them. How is she supposed to handle all this now? Things have changed for both of them over the years. So many relationships, lovers, work and family moments done solo.  Now Jessica is in the begining of something new. A new relationship, a new job, a new town and metamorphosis of her own. How do they adapt to the distance between them? There is so much answered and unanswered in this moment. "Are you willing to share me?" She saw the queestion surprise Christian. The flush that came across her face answered the question. "This is one of the most critical things about who I am now. I am willing to give you everything you're asking for right now. I'd move here for you. I'd leave all of my world behind for the love you're offering. But I can't go back to living the regular life like we had before. I can't be leashed or collared again. So, again Christian, Can you share me?" That blank expression is back on her pretty face. She climbed off the couch to pace. Jessica sat watching her move around the room.

Christian couldn't imagine the idea of sharing her. The idea of more than one person in their bed, inside her, touching her... No that just wasn't an option. What happens when they have kids? What about family functions? Or if their employers found out they're polyamorous, the backlash. Of all the things she could have said in this moment. Hearing no, would've made her feel better. Then how is she so demanding when she just altered everything physically about herself? The notion she should ask for more than she's willing to give seems hypocritical. Yet she can't shake this feeling. "Kids, Jessica. Are ou willing to have a family in this way of life you're asking from me?" The look on her face was furious. She stepped in something dangerous without knowing it. They were both pacing now like enemies waiting for the first to strike. Christian couldn't figure out how they got to this point. This wasn't what she wanted for them. But her question had been answered.  Now a whole new line of problems popped out of Pandora's box. She stopped to see her friend staring at her with an incredible calm. And this was more frightening than anything else from Jessica. The conversation was about to end or their friendship.

"Christian, you know I don't want children. You know I'd protect any child from harm. But the idea that being poly is somehow a negative environment makes me wonder what you think of me. You're expecting me to change my entire world from loving you as a man to loving you as a woman. You want me trapped in monogamy with the children I give you just to make you happy Do you think this is going to keep me happy? There is no way to keep us on a solid foundation with this mindset." Jessica watched her go beet red. She swears Christian's head is going to explode any moment. The tension was so thick between them it was smothering. Jessica reached out to calm Christian. She pulled away from her angrily. Jessica simply couldn't go through this again. They'd fought about this for weeks when they were in college. With everything happening in Christian's world, how could she still want children? And she stood there fuming because she didn't want kids or monogamy or a transgendered girl? She sat in a slump on the couch exhausted.

'I thought I could complete you Jessica. I never thought you'd be hell bent on not having children after all these years. I never questioned whther or not you love me. I just want to be your only. You've never been able to do that. And I don't understand why. Why am I never enough?' She'd been yelling and in tears. She just watched Jessica lay back with her eyes closed. This is an old argument. Was she being fair after all this time. It's not like she wasn't aware of those core traits in Jessica. Was she asking for more than she deserved? Or just more than she knew Jessica could give? 'Mon Ami, My Love....Look at me, please?' The glare she got from her could've melted steel. She knew she deserved it. But she had to know why this couldn't be, between them. "Ginger, you've been so much to me. I wouldn't have come this distance if you aren't. But I can't be tied down again. I need to have the choice. Loving you is easy. Being with you is effortless. Children simply aren't an option. They never have been. The idea of a family seems so pleasant with you. I don't doubt you'd be an awesome parent. I doubt myself. I could hurt you in so many ways just because I resent this family. I don't want to be my mother. I don't want to be the husband my father was. So much could go wrong if you put me on this leash. Don't you understand this?" Christian crawled into Jessica's lap and cried. Jessica would always be this honest. She is never going to give her more than what is within. Yes, she was asking for more than Jessica could give. "Baby, you deserve the world. You should find that woman who is willing to give you the family you long for. The woman who will listen to you sing your pain away at the piano. Who will curl up with you at night to watch you sleep. The woman who will come home to you and you only. I know I am not her. And I am not going to ask you to change for me." Christian only cried harder in her arms. She didn't know what else to do. The last thing she expected was to fall into the groove of their old life. Now here she was saying it couldn't last. It can't be more. 'Is this going to change everything we are to each other Mon Ami?'

Jessica didn't know how to answer that. Everything has already changed between them. But she knew Christian to be an achilles heel. Nothing seems to be changing that. The idea of never seeing their hair tangled across a pillow again actually pained her. The time and distance hasn't changed anything between them. Leaving her again is going to be hard. After this conversation, no argument, it will likely force more time between them. And Jessica isn't sure it was the best thing for either of them. "Baby... Look at me. There is a part of me that will always be yours. Nothing will ever change what we've given each other. But I need your complete honesty. No surprises, no changes like this one. Fair?" Christian nodded. She's so pretty with those pouty full lips. Her hair tossled and curly, framing her face and shoulders. Jessica had to have her. She kissed Christian so forcefully that it hurt. This left Christian holding on for the ride. Their hands were all over each other. They fell to the floor with Jessica on top. This was such a familiar place to be for both of them. Jessica ignored the obvious difference in her Christian. In that moment she had a hold of that flame in her hands. So easily she could get burned. She looked down at her pretty face. The smile she got back from Christian let her know that control was about to be taken from her.

Christian couldn't resist the look in her eyes. She knew Jessica's weaknesses. She could never resist a red head, full lips or green eyes. She was already lost in the moment. She could only smile as she rolled them both to be on top. Christian bit into Jessica's left breast. The shudder she got in response was as it always has been. The hands in her hair however took Christian by surprise. Suddenly she back on the bottom. This was going to end with bruises, scratches and hair loss. Christian could only laugh at the promise of release at her hands. She pulled at Jessica's clothes until they were tangled in them. They rolled again into the table. It was Christian who lost her clothes this time. 'Rug burn?' Jessica just laughed at her request. "Bring it baby." Before She had a chance to stop Jessica the world spun. She found her dick in her mouth. Something she'd stop using a long time ago. It disturbed her to be taken like this. Not what she had in mind at all. Then she does that trick with her tongue... Oh sweet Jesus, what was she doing to her? Christian had to see those lips wrapped around her one more time. Moving Jessica's hair out of the way, found her looking up at her. That expression let Christian know what was coming next. She isn't prepared for it either. The eruption was sudden and violent. Christian shook uncontrollably while shonving herself further down her throat, hands lost in her hair. Jessica had sucked her dry. She had to kiss her. It's been so long since she tasted herself on the lips of a lover. The nibbling and biting only brought her to a full erection again. Jessica noticed it all too soon. Christian found herself straddled and balls deep in this beautiful woman all over again. How does she do this to her? Something she's kept silent for so long seems to be calling out for her old friend. The connection was instant. Jessica held still. When she looked down at Christian, she didn't look safe. Watching her body shake just being full of her again put doubts in Christian's mind. Then he saw her cry. Trying to reach for her face she pulled back. The ride she took Christian on was fast, hard and cold. There was no way this was going to be the last time they connected. Christian dug her thumbs into Jessica's pelvis to buckle her back down to her. 'Mon Ami, you won't take this from me. You won't run away from me either.' She held onto Jessica with both hands at the back of her neck. Grinding into her slowly until her hips matched the pace. Seeing her tears fall made Christian question her request for this moment. She kissed her through her orgasm then held her close. She always says thank you by flexing the muscles of her pussy after sex. Christian chuckled at the instinctive moment. 'You're welcome baby. If only always were an always. If only.' Jessica shook in her arms, hair hiding her face. Christian had to get her off this floor and in bed where they could talk and be close. But she seems content to stay put where they are. Christian lifted her by the hair to look her in the eyes. 'Come to bed with me,' Jessica shook her head no. 'Mon Ami, I am not asking you, I am telling you. Come to bed with me.' Christian put more force on the grip of her hair as she sat up with both of them. Jessica was behind her hair and babbling in Spanish. 'Don't do this here and now. Come to bed with me. We will have time for tears later. Just now, in this moment, lay beside me.' Jessica nodded yes as she separated and headed to the bedroom. Christian watches her curl up under the covers like a kid hiding from a monster. She wasn't sure what to do next. She'd never seen her cry before.

This moment of confusion, passion and anxiety put both of them in a funky mood. So much needed to be said before they parted ways. Christian knew the door she opened would be hard but not Pandora's box. Jessica could feel herself making the distance between them until she took hold of the part that makes her "him". So many questions and boundaries were left unspoken. She took advantage of this moment as if there were no consequences. Now it was time to pay the piper. The emotions had been let loose in a time that restraint should have been shown. The story between them was coming to an abrupt end. Would they both make it out whole on the other side?