Today was the day she left. She told me she loves me. She told me I make her happy. She told me I give too much. She told me I gave to much control. She told me she remembers our sex as amazing. She told me she feels obligated to touch me. She told me she's a bad girlfriend and always will be. She told me she still wants to take me places and show me things. She told me it's a part of loving me still. She told me she still desires me. She told me she can't do this anymore. She told me she's never connected to anyone else like this before. She told me she understood that I just can't walk away. She told me she doesn't want anyone else. She told me I was more than enough. She told me I hurt her during sex over a year ago. She told me she's tired of the same old arguments. She told me she's tired. She told me she knows how I feel about her. She told me she still loves me. She told me the last 6 months isn't a lie. She told me the negative outweighs the positive of us in her mind. she told me it's easier for her. She told me so many things. All I heard was my heart breaking. The loud thick thump of meat hitting the floor as it fell from her hands. When she kissed me... My heart responded. Sang loudly in my ears and my skin on fire as her lips met mine. She told me I am beautiful in my new dress. She asked me for the account number for our last binding item. She gave me my things. She promised to find the rest. She told me she's still having breakfast with me for my birthday. She told me she didn't want anyone else. But she doesn't want this, this with me. This thing that isn't what it was a year ago, nor the beginning. She told me that every beak away from me she hoped it would be like the beginning. "We've been through too much for that." I say. But she told me it is no more. She says she knows what I want, what I need and she can't give it to me. She told me that she decided a week ago after breakfast. She told me she loved me three times before this declaration today. "Why do you do this if I'm all this and more?" It doesn't make sense when I try to explain it, is what she told me. I ask for one more touch. She told me yes. To fit in the space of her neck and shoulders is what makes me happy. To be held in her arms so strong makes me melt. To know she didn't let go first made it harder still. She told me she wouldn't mark me. I didn't beg or cry. It was my one desire should I never be able to taste her skin again. Never smell her beside me as she covered me with blankets to sleep. She told me she would finish my new jewelry piece. Because she promised. It would give me something to look forward to. *ache* To feel her touch my face so softly, so painlessly brought me to tears. She told me she loves me. It's all I have for another 37 days. Where I hope to see her across the table from me. I hope my body doesn't respond to the smell, sight and sound of her. I hope I can smile and enjoy her company. I hope the sound of her voice doesn't raise my heart rate the way her kisses do. I hope she's happy. I hope the meal we share is something new. I hope the memory is something fresh and fun. So when we part ways again, she tells me that she loves me. Maybe I'll be ok.
